24 hours and 34 minutes.

At the time of writing, that's exactly how long it is until my 18th birthday begins and I can finally stop playing my 'Stars in their Eyes' inspired game of "Tonight, I'm going to be..." with other people's passports/driving licenses. Thank God.

My Mum's running round in a tizz of preparation for the fiasco that will be my birthday party: what began as "I'm inviting the family round, don't ask anyone else!" has metamorphosed into "You can have a few friends there if you like", finally arriving at "Yes, they can all come!". This probably has something to do with the serious amount of cake she's bought for the occasion... not that I'm complaining. As a pseudo-pensioner, I specialise in all things cakey... something my friends complain about ("Beth, most of your crack is about food!") until they're actually eating whatever it is I've baked. Unless it's blueberry muffins. Which I'm pretty sure were poisonous. Needless to say, that was the first and last time I've ever made a low fat recipe.

Having just finished my A-levels, I have a ridiculous amount of time on my hands. Of course, there are various productive ways I could use this (charity work, writing a book, learning how to actually work a washing machine), but for now this is my plan:

• Find a birthday dress! Preferably something NOT flowery, since I counted and I now own ten floral dresses/skirts and, let's face it, it's getting out of hand.
• Complete Assassin's Creed on the XBOX. Because I'm a massive nerd... with a terrible attention span.
• Read lots of big scary books I've been meaning to read. I've just started Dostoyevsky and have had to lighten it up by going back to Agatha Christie.
• Watch 90210 online, because everyone keeps telling me how good it is!
• Actually dust my room. Even though I maintain that a small amount of dust is good for my asthma, helps me build up resistance etc, I know I'm talking crap and it's really quite trampy.

Of course, first I have to survive my holiday to Malia. In a hotel down an alleyway. I'm not feeling wonderfully optimistic.